


A Prayer, A Spell

by fairlylocaldreamer



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: F/M, Tyler-centric, based off a poem, healing process
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-16 06:25:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17544431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairlylocaldreamer/pseuds/fairlylocaldreamer
Summary: Tyler is not alone because he feels alone(a fic based off the poem 'A Prayer/A Spell' by Sabrina Benaim)





	A Prayer, A Spell

I am feeling better, so I say good morning and meant it.

_"Hello," Jenna murmurs the greeting into Tyler's collarbone, where her head rests over his beating heart._

_Tyler looks down at the woman he is blessed to call his wife. "Good morning," he whispers back, and means it._

That's a big deal.

Yes, today is a good morning.

_Jenna smiles at him as she gets up from the bed, placing a kiss on his forehead as she wanders into the kitchen to start breakfast._

To exhale, to feel joy with the release of a breath I no longer need to be holding.

_Tyler feels strangely light. A little bit empty, but it is the kind of space that is waiting to be filled with something like love. He likes the feeling._

I am not alone because I feel alone.

_He has been in his basement for hours and nothing has come to him. His ideas have been trash but he won't let himself out until he comes up with something. He's so alone and useless and good for nothing. _

I am NOT alone because I feel alone.

_'No,' he reminds himself. 'You're not alone. Someone can help.' He picks up his phone._

_"Hey man, what's up?"_

I am NOT alone because I feel alone with company.

_"Josh, do you ever feel alone?"_

_"Yeah. All the time."_

_"How do you make it go away?"_

_Josh is silent for a moment. "It doesn't really ever leave. But I can make it better. Uhm, I like to go on dates with Debby. She helps a lot. Or I'll take Jim to the park, or call you, or talk to my brother or something. People. People help."_

When I look in the mirror, I will find a reflection of the gifts I am withholding from myself.

_'People help,' Tyler reminds himself as he makes his way into the kitchen. "Hey, Jen."_

_His wife jumps a little. "Tyler! Hi."_

_He gestures at the bowl of ingredients she's mixing. "Can I help?"_

_Her smile could light up the world. "Sure, babe."_

Light hits everything at a different angle. I will make a habit of tilting my head.

_Tyler still looks tired. But he reminds himself that he is tired because he has spent hours making something that will bring him joy. He looks tired because he is working on something he is passionate about. He looks tired, but it is for a good cause._

When the sadness waterfalls, I will let the salt cleanse the wounds I cannot see.

_His tears are salty and they make it hard to breathe. Jenna's arms slide around him, squeezing softly. She plays with his hair and rubs at his shoulders, but she does not try to stop the flow of his sadness._

_'Tears mean releasing emotions,' Tyler reminds himself as he pulls in shuddering gasps of air. 'And emotions mean being human.'_

I will let dance parties be the hospitals I heal in.

_Parties had never been his thing. He much preferred staying inside, locked in the safety of his house. But now the safety of his house is the hosting of the party._

_He is having fun, though. He dances and pops balloons and laughs with his friends. He is healing._

If I need more help, I will let the people offering help me.

_"Dude, are you okay?" Josh finds him backstage after one of their shows, struggling to breathe._

_'Just say yes. Say you're fine. Say it. Say it!'_

_Tyler shakes his head. "No," he whispers._

If I need  **more** help, I will let the medication help me.

_Jenna gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You're doing good, Ty."_

_He turns towards the counter, towards the pharmacist with a warm smile. "Hi, my name is Tyler Joseph. I'm here to pick up some medication."_

I forgive my body for being a machine after all.

_He always wished his body had never existed. That his spirit had been able to roam free, that he couldn't bleed._

_But he can bleed. He is a machine, but he will be a machine with a purpose._

I forgive my memory for being the cupboard door that will continue to pop ajar no matter how many times I push it shut.

_His mind is a dangerous place. He knows this._

_His memories will never fade. He knows this._

_He knows that he is learning from himself. He knows there is good among the bad. Blurryface lingers, but so does the memory of Jenna's smile and Josh's laugh and the cheering of thousands of fans._

I forgive myself even if I am the last person I want to forgive.

_"I forgive you."_

_He says it out loud everyday in the mirror._

Wherever I come from, wherever I am going, I will remember the present as the only place to start.

Today is a good day.

_"Hello," Jenna murmurs the greeting into Tyler's collarbone, where her head rests over his beating heart._

_Tyler looks down at the woman he is blessed to call his wife. "Good morning," he whispers back, and means it._

To wake up and be great, and have gratitude for the restless pump of a heart, for the way it does not know how to hold back.

_Tyler is glad he is alive. Alive to kiss Jenna before he takes the stage, alive to see Josh's eyes shining with excitement behind his bandana, alive to hear fans screaming in a celebration of being alive with him._

I will exhale, and I will being to do the same.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! leave kudos or comments if you want, and have a great day/night/whatever.


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